Camping the Red

Friends, allow me to share with you a tale of life, love, and a flea-market-turned-campground.

Ryan put so much effort into this trip. He did tons of research on where to camp and what to pack. He borrowed a camp stove from a friend, a tent and sleeping bags from the OSU Mountaineers Club, and grocery shopped for the perfect camp foods.

We set out on Tuesday after I finished my last final. I realized as we were leaving that I couldn’t stand my hiking shoes any more and I really needed a new pair. We ran to DSW and I bought a new pair of Keen’s. They feel much better than my old Nikes. We stopped at Wal-Mart to get a sun reflector for his windshield and I picked up a nail-clipper (I forgot to clip before we left, and long nails don’t bode well on a rock wall). I also grabbed a “Cosmo” magazine since Ryan brought a book and I had nothing to read.

Car is packed and we are ready to roll!

I also bought the best hair clip ever, it’s really secure and holds my hair up without damaging it like an elastic. I asked Ryan if it looked, well, matronly. He said he thought it looked “rugged,” so I decided then and there to wear it the rest of the trip. Here's an example:

The drive was going pretty well until it started raining just after we passed through Cincinnati. Ryan even took a picture when we stopped at a McDonalds before it started to rain, he thought the sky looked “ominous.” So it’s raining…then it starts raining harder, then harder still. Next thing we know its hailing! I could see the pain on Ryan’s face as tiny balls of ice pelted his beloved Honda Fit.

We tried to pull over under a bridge, but a semi was taking up the whole area, so we had to drive another mile or so and pull under another bridge with some other cars. This gave us a chance to watch the storm from a safe spot and finish eating our food.

After intermittent showers/storms the rest of the way, we finally pulled in to Land of Arches Campground. It was 10pm, completely dark, and every thing was wet. The manager came walking out of a dome-style warehouse and told us we could pitch our tent on one of the big carpet squares inside if we didn’t feel like putting it up in the dark, wet grass. We stayed inside.

Did I mention this was our first time camping?

We set up the tent and had a look around. There are about 35-40 doors, wooden ones, just standing up all around, some acting as partitions, some stacked in the back of the building. There are about a dozen table and chair sets, an old shopping cart with some foam in it, and all kinds of other odds and ends. Ryan walked over to a sort of closet on wheels and pulled out a pair of shoes. There was a white tag on it that read “Diabetic Shoes, $49.95.” (I didn’t know shoes could get diabetes! Haha!) We would learn later that the building used to house a weekly flea market. Near the front, there was a refrigerator containing strawberries sporting fur coats. Yuck.

Now the net part of my story is the most important (to me). The bathroom. Oh yes, the bathroom. Those who know me may already know that I am a long-time sufferer of “Shy Bladder Syndrome.” I can not urinate unless I am in a state of total Zen. If I am under any amount of pressure, if someone is in the stall next to me, if the bathroom is filthy…forget it. Just ask my Mom and Greg, they’ve had to drive me from rest-stop to rest-stop on road trips to try and find a toilet with which my bladder can be at peace.

But I digress. After our tent was set up, it was time. I grabbed my tooth brush and face wash and bravely walked to the restroom in the back of the warehouse. I had agreed to camp with my only term being that a flush toilet was in walking distance, and Ryan certainly came through. I flipped on the light and looked at the wall. I didn’t have my glasses on, but I spotted a “dot” on the wall. I took a step closer and squinted my eyes. I then spun on my heels, may have uttered a choice word, and walked right out. Ryan was walking in from getting something out of the car. “We have a big problem,” I said to him.

It was the largest daddy-long-leg spider either of us had ever seen. Right there on the wall. It took about 10 or 15 minutes for Ryan to wrestle with is conscience and kill the darn thing. He considered using one of the diabetic shoes, but that would bring him too close to it. He eventually knocked it down with a board and smashed it. After he inspected the rest of the bathroom I mustered up the courage to go. It sounds silly, but I am very proud of myself!

Once we were ready for bed we put our yoga mats down, then our sleeping bags (I kept half my stuff in the tent in case the "long-leg family" wanted to avenge their brother’s death by getting in to my purse) then crawled in.

Let me tell ya, yoga mats do not offer much cushion. We realized this detail in about 4 seconds. It was also extremely hot in there, hotter than the outside temp. Despite this we managed to make it through the night. We didn’t sleep very well, but it didn’t stop us from waking up bright-eyed into a foggy morning.

We set up our little borrowed camp stove on a picnic table outside where a few other campers were eating, The manager, Eric, was also out there drinking coffee. Ryan made tea for himself and I had instant coffee with powdered cream, which surprisingly was pretty tasty.

Steel-cut oats were the day’s special, with raspberries and banana mixed in. It really hit the spot, and got us ready for the long hike into Muir Valley.

Oh Muir Valley, you are the thorn in my side. Muir Valley is a beautiful, privately owned area of the Red River Gorge with great climbing. However, to get to the climbing area there is a half hour to 45 minute hike down a very steep gravel path, then up some switchbacks in the forest trails. All this with a pack full of gear in 90 percent humidity and 90 degree heat makes for a miserable fiancé.

The worst part is the hike back to the parking lot. It feels like a 50 degree incline up that gravel road. It didn’t help that I had a full gallon of water in my pack. Ryan’s pack was heavier still, with the rope and all the metal gear is his.

We were headed to “Tectonic Wall” but took a wrong turn along the way and ended up at “The Great Arches.” We climbed “Dynomite” a 5.9 route under a large roof. It was a pretty fun climb, but I found that my forearms got tired really fast. I didn’t realize how long it had been since I climbed.

Next we tried “Cinderella” another 5.9. Ryan led up the wall after stick-clipping the first bolt. I attempted to top rope it, but couldn’t get past the really hard start. There was a point where I was in hysterics trying to get up this thing, even standing on Ryan’s shoulders to try and get some leverage. No luck, after our sandwiches we moved on to the route beside it called “One-armed Bandit,” also a 5.9.

A couple next to us had just finished this route, and Ryan started leading it. Around the third bolt I saw Ryan go for a hold, and some thing black scurried across the rock. “Hey Ryan, do you have time to swat down a bug?” I called. If I was climbing this after him, I wanted to make sure whatever that was, was gone. “Nope,” he grunted as he clinged to the wall, trying not to fall.

Once he clipped into the bolt, I tried again. “Now do you have time?” I directed him to the creepy-crawly and he swung his body over to get a look at that to which I was pointing. He swung back, looking down at me. “Did you see that thing” he practically whispered from the wall. “Yeah, can you swat it down?” He swung back over, looked at it again. Swung back. “No way in hell,” he half-mouthed/half-whispered.

I couldn’t really see what it was, but had a feeling it was a spider. It wasn’t until later that I was able to get a picture of the offending arachnid. It was large…and in charge.

Ryan continued up the route until he was over a ledge with a small flimsy tree growing on it. As he traversed over the ledge I called up that I couldn’t see him anymore. This means that I couldn’t tell if he was moving upward or not. A few minutes later, I look up and see him sitting (falling on to his butt) on the ledge. It was all in slow motion. He began to roll backwards in a cloud of dirt. I panicked. I squeezed this gri-gri for a split second and tried to grab the rope. Both of which are the wrong response. Luckily I quickly remembered what to do and let go completely. The gri-gri automatically locked and caught Ryan, which lifted me about 4 feet off the ground. As the dirt cloud settled around us we were able to process what just happened.

The guy climbing next to us offered the commentary of “I’ve never seen anyone fall sideways before!” We were glad he was there, for he was nice enough to finish the route for Ryan. Ryan eventually top-roped the route before we called it a day and headed back to the car. Any may I say, the hike out of Muir Valley was grueling.

Back at Land of Arches, Ryan showered, (he had to go first to inspect for bugs, of course), and then I showered. Let me note that I did not bring any make-up, nor did I brush my hair the entire trip, and I loved it! I probably looked like a “before” picture from one of the ads in my Cosmo magazine.

Anyway, after showers we set up the tent and made dinner. We made boil-in-a-bag rice, then added pinto beans, dices tomatoes with green chilies, and avocado and mixed it all together. We rolled up the mixture in some wheat tortillas. It was pretty good! Little burritos.

Have I mentioned that bugs find me irresistible? I should be flattered; however a girl can only take so many flies, bees, gnats, mosquitoes, etc dive-bombing her head. I had been soaking myself all day in the bug spray (not DEET, that other kind, picardin maybe?) Ryan bought for me, but the flies were relentless. Later I read on the bottle “Do not apply more than 3-4 times daily.” HA! My skin should be melting off any minute now. And for the record, I still got 5 bites.

Immediately after dinner the flies started a traffic pattern around my head, as if my scalp had some sort of landing strip on it. So finally I announced “Let’s go for a drive!” I was insistent that Ryan take me on a “little drive” which made him very suspicious. “What do you want to go buy?” he kept asking. Little did he know I just wanted to get the heck away from those flies for a while. We drove to a little café down the street to see if it was a viable breakfast option. On the way we saw a deer eating grass on the side of a little side street. We stopped and watched it for a while.

By the time we got back the sun was pretty much down and the flies were either in bed or preoccupied with buzzing around the overhead light of the picnic area. Mission accomplished.

We each made a s’more on the camp stove, had some hot Tang, and got read for bed…this time outside! We had the rain guard on the tent so we wouldn’t wake up all dewy. Unfortunately this also made for a stuffy interior climate.

I called my mom from the car earlier that night and she mentioned to me that the weather forecast was even hotter for tomorrow, so I discussed with Ryan our plan for the next day. We both agreed that hiking and climbing just wouldn’t be enjoyable in that heat.

Once again we sweated out the night, but this time to the sounds of frogs, crickets, and everything else. The grass proved to be a softer mattress than a cement floor and a carpet square, but we still decided that we will definitely bring pads to sleep on next time.

We woke up, had some coffee and tea, and packed the car. Ryan was bummed that we weren’t going to climb. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was so relieved that I would be lugging a pack fill of stuff through the woods in the heat again.

We pulled into Miguel’s, a pizza joint/campground and a favorite among Red River climbers. We split a breakfast wrap and a Belgian waffle, and said goodbye to the Gorge, but not after a heard “Are you sure you don’t want to climb at all?” a few times.

Ryan asked if we could take a longer route home so that we could stop at Young’s Dairy Farm for some strawberry shortcake. “Of course we can!” I said enthusiastically. “Hmm, I bet I could play on this guilt of yours for a while…” Ryan responded. And ok, he’s right, I do feel bad about making us leave early, but there’s just no way I could have climbed with a smile that day.

We decided to make a day of our trip home, and stopped at an Ikea just outside of Dayton. Neither of us had been to an Ikea before and we were totally blown away by its size. We even saw a few items we wouldn’t mind getting in the future.

After Ikea we stopped at an outlet mall and browsed in North Face and Columbia outlet stores. We didn’t buy anything, but it was nice to look.

Finally we arrived at Young’s and Ryan got his shortcake. Mid-cake he said (jokingly, I think) “it’s going to take more than shortcake to make up for this, ya know!

I spent the rest of the ride reading to Ryan from my magazine, explaining to him what men really want. Hehe.

An hour later we were on 270. We picked up carry out from Aladdin’s, unloaded the car, ate dinner and went to bed, not putting a thing away.

I’m happy to say that as this blog post goes to press, most everything is put away. We had breakfast at First Watch this morning, hit up a few outdoor stores, grocery shopped, and I even went to Dance Jam at Lifetime. Now, once again I’m ready for bed.

Hope you all enjoyed our story!